Year Ended 2009 ... Recap ~~

This is my year. Cause I am a cowy !! Moo Moo.... never had I imagined of my dreams being come true this year instead of the last one. The year is filled with ups and downs.. low and high. Definitely, what we called life!

Ce'st La Vie..... Last year I told myself this year I won't let myself down again and hoping for better and more this year!! Thank god I had surpassed the year which I wont mourn in life for what I had when thru this year.

Started with January, blasting thru my year in Citibank working as a Citiphone officer. Which leaves a quite good memory and much bitter and sour !! Thank to the customer which "fuXk" me in the phone. Cause I will always remember you ! u made my year too which is now a joke for me whenever I told my friend about working in CTB experiences...

I remember it was 1 day before eve of CNY ! This year my CNY ended on 2nd day of CNY due to work nature. I m forced to take extra 1 day without permission but I 've got no choice cause I am back to my home town in Penang. This year is the 1st year going back to darling hometown...

Everything goes pretty well until I submitted my resignation letter, it was also followed by passing the Accounting paper on last february which is a blessing to me.. I nearly gave up before the exam... >.<

I followed a friend to "Ah Pak San" at Cheras. We have jungle trekking with only 4 people... We climbed up and down 2 mountains. Still a beginner but been thru such a challenging mount.. I almost give up half way. The mount is too difficult for me to climb. There is no proper path. its a muddy road ... Kecerunan bukit is around 20-70 degrees. Some part is quite difficult to reach so might need a rope to climb. And I was all alone. No one helps me but only me! I realised I am stronger than I imagined. There is time where I wish I want to go backway to the ground but I was in between. I have no choice but to follow my friend to climb up to the peak.... We took 4-5 hours climbing up and down 2 forests consecutively.

There are times where my friend is completely out of my sight. Not feeling funl but its time for me to realise that I need to be on my own. Althought its dangerous.. I might got lost in the forest but I know I must be brave and not afraid to confront it. So this is where I found the strength in my STUDIES. I am very pain and tired. I have no strength and energy to finish my journey. But I know there's nothing else harder than that.

There are time where I thought of calling a helicop to sent me back from the peak of the mount. Cause I am truly exhausted up there. Here I learned I need to be determined and to think positive in everything I do. I know i CANT GIVE UP EASLIY. We cheered each other up to continue going thru the way back. we were going thru another mount to see the waterfalls actually! There's a price for everything.

I gave myself a chance to outshine myself so I perform in CTP got Talent. I volunteered myself which i think a sacrifice and need guts..haha

After my last day, I am still praying for the results. I pray a lot from Melaka state to Terengganu. Thank God cause they heard my prayers! I had a good trip to Redang which I really enjoyed. I sat on an AA plane and I told myself if my dreams come true, in no more than 2 weeks I will be sitting on the plane leaving to UK again.

The day has come, but my family encounter series of depression due to a family member of mine. Seriously the whole family turns haywire. We almost burnout and bro been hospitalised. The whole family was disturbed by the problem. On the same day I got my results. I thought I'd be very happy but I am not.

The whole 2 weeks was very miserable for me and the whole family. Mom was crying all days, sis almost broke off, dad being exhausted due to work... I was alone again in settling down my stuffs to UK. I almost gave up again in realising my dreams..

I am lucky my whole family supported me financially. When the days come my heart gots complicated. Ain't happy nor sad. Emotionless. 1 by 1 of my family is leaving my mom which is my great concern. Bro once leave to Vietnam for work and Sis leaves to China for tour guiding and concurrently my bro and me is flying off 1 after another.

Lucky to have my aunties who acc my mom and brought mom to travel after that. Thanks "Tua Yee & Er Yee".

Frankly I am very lucky cause if I didn't pass this will be my last attempt and chance. After when to UK then only I get to know the last paper I sat for is actually score 50 marks which is the border of passing marks!! I guess the lec helps in passing me and some luck too! "IF" i fail, I m not gonna get to UK and I am gonna lost my Degree and need to repeat the whole course. Its a final chance and I finally MADE IT thru!!!! I am proud of myself not because its good result BUT I CRIED IN MY HEART i made it at last!! No one knows what I 've been thru. Its easy for other to pass but not me. I struggle a lot.. HOW much endurance and pain and effort I've putted in... NO one can sees...... who knows? NOBODY KNOWS.... but ME.... No one sees her crying 1 day before exam due to stress, no 1 know how she feels.. no one know how much hope the family has to her... no one knows how much guilt she is having thru the year. "Shih Mei, YES!! you made it!! Sis and bro telling this to me before I leaves to UK. I am truly touched by them... cause they can feel it and mom said to auntie in the phone while crying "Ah Mei finally made it after so much obstacles!!!"

Been to UK is like a dreams to me which I still cant believe its REALISED. I told them, I still could not believe I am there at that moment! Thanks a lot for the bond we had strengthen and ties during our days in UK and thanks for being a great friend. We had so much memories I wish i wont forget until the moment I die....

Its is somehow my achievements for the year and I am truly satisfied on what I've been thru the year. Never had i Imagined and expected such a great thing is happening in my LIFE! So 4 months has been passed and its time for another turning point in my life. Choice btw stay or not stay for work in UK.

Sadly i had a nightmare in Europe casue indecisive to think of staying or leaving. I am not like a home girl but mom treat me like a home girl... So I ended coming back to Msia. When the moment I was about to go back to Msia things start turning sour... mom and dad fall sick on the same time which I think they NEED me.... sudden panic attacked me. I am panic and fear things doesn't goes the i always wanted.

I plan so much in UK ended up all blown up. my plan is left with "a plan" without having realising it. No I wont blame anyone but myself. .. at this point of time I m feeling helpless and this is where Ric came up by listening and giving me a lot of support.

Darling help me a lot thru the year. There is always a reason why I love him... knowingly btw both of us.. Although sometime I am childish but after a while I'd be better and turm back to you. I tried to be rational but its just hard sometime... Undeniably he did something beyond what a bf can takes... No one could endure but him not even my best friend.

I am always calmed down by his advice and convince. I complaint and hatred on you but deep inside I am the opposite way. I know I am stubborn.. just let me stubborn for a while then I'd be ok! But I am sad when you were angry with me cause u looks so fierce!

I always believe fate is in your hand... I can change it if I want, its a matter whether you dare or not dare. What it takes is just another steps ahead.... every consequences is from what you have made. I believe everyone can change themself if they wants to. And remaining silent is not an option tho.

What it takes is some guts and later is all about risk. You ain't young anymore so you need to go ALL OUT!! Appreciate every opportunities in lifes and treasure everything you have. Makes life no regret! If you didn't do it now, you are not gonna do it when your old, remember! while still young, do whatever you want with limits and boundaries!

I know where is my boundaries... I know my limit! time is cost, being young is an asset. Bear it in the mind!!

Closing of year 2009 in about 24 hours.. Counting down...... the closing of my blog for this year too....

this year is great !!!! and hereby I am Welcoming another new year 2010 ........!!

~ Happy New Year friend !!!!~